How to Ignite the leader in you

 

What do leaders look like? Do they always look powerful, impressive, charismatic? And how do you measure the effectiveness of a leader? Can you put two people side by side and instantly tell which is the better leader? These are questions people have asked for hundreds of years.

The true measure of leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less.

The truth is, if you don’t have influence, you will never be able to lead others. As psychologist Harry A. Overstreet observed, “The very essence of all power to influence lies in getting the other person to participate.” If no one is following you, you’re not a leader. There is a leadership proverb that says, “He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.” If you can’t influence people, then they will not follow you. And if people won’t follow you, you are not a leader.

Leadership is often misunderstood. When people hear that someone has an impressive title or an assigned leadership position, they assume that individual to be a leader. Sometimes that’s true. But titles don’t have much value when it comes to leading. True leadership cannot be awarded, appointed, or assigned. It comes only from influence, and that cannot be mandated. It must be earned.

Margaret Thatcher, the former British prime minister, observed, “Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t. If you watch the dynamics that occur between people in just about every aspect of life, you will see some people leading and others following, and you will notice that position and title often have little to do with who is really in charge.

That being the case, why do some people emerge as leaders while others can’t influence people no matter how hard they try? There are several factors that come into play here and I will just mention a few:

  • CHARACTER – Who they are. True leadership begins with the inner person. The authenticity of the person. Where their words and actions align. The genuineness of the persons. Care, compassion and empathy.
  • ABILITY – What they can do? The bottom line for followers is what a leader is capable of. They want to know whether that person can lead the team to victory. (This doesn’t mean that the person has to be capable to doing every task, but rather, guiding, directing, delegating, seeing the vision and steering the course). Ultimately, that’s the reason people will listen to you and acknowledge you as their leader.
  • RELATIONSHIPS – Who they know. You are a leader only if you have followers, and that always requires the development of a relationship – the deeper the relationship, the stronger the potential for leadership. How do you do this? Starting point is to find common ground, listen, be authentic and genuine. Listen, listen, listen – it is not about you. Don’t listen to respond

So how can you lead through influence? The Go-Giver series by Bob Burg and John David Mann provides some amazing insights on what leading through influence can look like. Here is a summary of the Five Secrets of Genuine Influence. I would recommend this series to anyone as part of your personal growth and development journey.

5 Secrets of Genuine Influence

  1. Breath – Master Your Emotions
    • Set you feelings to the side, you can still have your feelings, you don’t even need to change them just set them aside for the moment, don’t let them drive the car. Put reasoned judgement in the driver’s seat feelings in the passenger seat. Retrain yourself to respond to conflict and disagreement by unruffling your feelings. Make calm your default setting.
    • Don’t get caught up in the drama or the story
    • Genuine control that comes from the inside – never lose your cool -so you breathe, you stay in control from the inside.
    • Set your feelings to the side, don’t deny or suppresses them, just set them to the side so that reasoned judgement may preside
    • It is not about acting like mastering your emotions, it is about actually doing it – not seeming calm, but rather being calm
    • We are wired for fight, flight or freeze – we need to re-wire our default response by mastering our emotions.
    • A non-judgement space when you have any interaction.
    • Literally breathe – so important to take full breaths. Notice yourself, sometimes you re not even taking a breath
  1. Listen – Step into the other persons shoes
    • Get out of your own head and step into the other persons perspective, see the world through their lenses. Appreciate where they are coming from and what is at stake for them.
    • Observe – what is being said and what is not being said
    • Tune into what is in the other person’s head. The most effective leaders are experts at listening. How I get every single contract that I go after. I go into an interaction to listen. I ask 2 questions, what do you need? And what does success look like for you?
    • How we see the world is not now others see the world. We all see the world through our own lenses, our personal world view and belief systems. We then expect others to see things the way we do, but of course they are not. You also assume that your view is the correct view.
    • Most efforts at communication are a little more than one blind man trying to get another to see the situation or issue the way he does.
    • If something is open to interpretation, two people will interpret it differently. So as questions, be curious and above all, don’t make assumptions.
  1. Smile – Set the Frame
    • Take the initiative to establish the tone and context of the interaction. Whoever sets the frame of the conversation also sets the direction and tone in which it will go.
    • Smile, not just with your face, but with your body, your attitude, your mind. When you genuinely smile with ALL of you, is you set the parameters of the game, you call it.
    • Winning in business is about collaboration and the substance of collaboration is persuasion. The substance of persuasion is influence, genuine influence. The substance of influence is PULL not push. If you want to persuade, don’t push, don’t confront. Never box the person into a corner where they feel they have no choice, where they feel they have to agree with your point of view.
    • Set the frame – stetting the tone and direction of how interactions will go.
    • Sometimes you can set the frame by not saying anything and just being calm. You can shift how a conversation or interaction will go just by reframing.
  1. Be Gracious – Communicate with tact and empathy
    • Let yourself feel what the other person is feeling and speak to that truthfully, yet also with compassion. No matter how different they may seem or what position they may take remember they are a chime and you are a tuning fork
    • Be gracious in action, thought and conduct. A kind and generous spirit always wins. Gratitude is the secret to all magnificent success.
    • Empathy is feeling what the other persons is feeling and tact is the ability to speak to the person in that place. Acknowledge and validate allows you to build the trust needed
    • You can’t always know what the other person is feeling – it is not about figuring the person out, it is about resonance – you resonate with everyone no matter different you are.
  1. Trust – Let go of having to be right
    • As long as your premise is that your position is the right one and the other persons is the wrong one, you have no chance of arriving at a genuinely satisfying solution. Sometimes you have to let go, and surprise, you may find that you have what you let go of.
    • If you don’t know the why, then genuine “winning” goes out the door. You go into business and leadership to nudge the world forward, to create value.

Would you consider yourself to be a leader? Whom do you influence?

What are some positive ways you could expand your influence in your organization?